Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
