Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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