hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
