who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
