i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
