omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
