Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
