im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
