mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
