he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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