STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
