u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
