he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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