how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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