Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We have started to decorate penises.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
