He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i think my cat just said my name.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
