i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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