Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
