"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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