cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
