Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
