how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
