i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
