i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
