I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
MIDGETS
????
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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