I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
