We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
