your parents love me but you hate me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You took a bar mat shot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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