Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
