I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
