Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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