my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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