Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
