if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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