who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
