Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
