this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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