Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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