508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
