Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
