At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
