he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am naked and annoyed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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