think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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