In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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