I'm going to jail i love you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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