I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
