I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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