I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
