please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
