tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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