Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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